Hold my breath and count to three...

One, two, three....I weigh 205 pounds. There, I've said it and now I can't take it back. I am 34 years young, only 5'3" and I currently weigh 205 friggin' pounds. This is my reality, has been for the last 4 years and now I have decided to face it. I mean ugly face it people. No jokes, no excuses, no hidden bravado. Just facing the fact that I am medically considered obese and I have only myself to blame. So here we go.

First off, this is not a pity party or an attempt at some kind of perverse attention. I simply know myself, my limits, and my motivation with regards to my weight as I have been on both ends of the scale at many points in my life. And I have come to two conclusions: I manage my weight best when I am #1 under a deadline and #2 being held accountable. Hence the blog. So I will be writing (as much as possible at least) about my experiences, successes and failures in order to hold myself accountable to the person who matters most...ME. It's slightly self-masochistic I realize, but hey...if it works than who cares how I got there, as long as I arrive happier and healthier than I am now.

Here's the dealio...my grandmother turns 75 in June and I would like to visit her and my family with a little less wiggle in my walkaway. Since that's 23 weeks away and its safe to lose approximately 2 lbs a week I'm looking at dropping around 45 pounds by then. Doable I think with a balanced diet and exercise. No crash dieting, no pills, no crazy meal plans. Just good old fashioned smart sense meal choices and exercise. So if you're tuning in to see some crazy fat lady starve herself and make herself crazy with Dexatrim then look elsewhere. I'm just here to document the process, use my love of writing to express myself when I need a boost and ultimately...to stop hiding from the world.

As proof of this commitment I will be posting (won't load today...not sure why) the most recent and hideous picture I have of myself for the world to see. It represents my camels straw so to speak. I asked my BFF Adele not to put any more pictures of me on her Facebook page because I was too embarrassed to have people see me this way. It occurred to me how absurd I was being and that if I'm ever going to get passed body loathing to body loving then I have to deal with this reality. So, I have unlocked the comments to the blog and feel free to dish on anything. Good or bad. I'm ready to take it and to grow from the experience of putting my imperfections out there for the world to judge. People will one way or another anyway so I might as well get something out of it right?

Well folks, drop by from time to time and comment if you like. I guess I'm doing this for myself more than anything...sort of a cyber journal and record of my journey...and whether or not people do is of no consequence. I'll be here though and I hope you'll help me out by taking the time to read my posts and maybe even send a little love and encouragement my way. Time to put on the Nike's and start this long road up out of hell.

Love, hugs and shoes...Sweetassgal!