Join the land of the Big WW!

Well everyone...Momma and I had a nice weekend together recently. We went on a gorgeous tour of the Maple Rock Gardens in Newcastle (which I will highly recommend to anyone next time these people open their doors to the public) and we had a "ladies lunch" at the Auburn Alehouse along with several other hat wearing ladies (we were unadorned). It was a wonderful lunch, great atmosphere and of course the perfect company. Over a plate of Sweet Potato Fries with Red Pepper Aioli (you heard me right....OMG they were good!) we lamented over our lack of weight loss. Shocking I know since that appetizer had to have about a bazillion fat grams and calories but nonetheless...there we were and yes we did laugh at the irony. Mom's main complaint was feeling alone in the dieting world and mine was simply not being properly motivated. Both we realize, are pure excuses and mean nothing in the world of dieting. Its put up or shut up and we've been doing the latter after filling it with food first.

In my mothers defense she is quite an active woman and I honestly don't know anyone who could match her energy for work stamina. The woman NEVER sits down and she's constantly going. I will not defend myself here. She looked at me and said "what do we do". I told her I'd do it if she would and we would work on it together (the way Jen has supported me lately). She agreed and we settled on what I think is the best helper...the good old fashioned Weight Watchers. No crazy fads or anything...just good old fashioned sensible eating and exercise that we could document online. We both thought meetings weren't for us right now so we'll just track online. I also told her about a new show on Lifetime starting Monday nights at 5:00 called COOK YOURSELF THIN!!! We are both going to watch it every Monday night...make the dish that week and report back what we find by Thursday so I can write it up on the blog. Anyone want to join my little cooking club let me know!?!?!

I started promptly the next Monday and so far I am LIKING this Weight Watchers thing. Something about having to put everything in the system and having it calculate it out for me speaks to my Internet obsessed personality. Seeing it on screen and knowing what I have left points wise for the day motivates me and I plan better. Plus you can't cheat and NOT put something down that you ate because who are you fooling...yourself? Come on! I like that I can just pop things in and create the meals that I use to make it more simple in the long run. I've basically eaten what I've cooked for the family each night...just added a few fruits and veggies in place of snacks and reduced my portion sizes to almost HALF. I no longer grab a plate to fill up. Just a small cereal bowl is about the size of my stomach and that's all I need to sustain my hunger. I'm working on not having to feel FULL...just satisfied and no longer hungry. That's a 3 week commitment to retrain my tummy and my brain. Here are my results so far...

Daily Points Allowance - 27
Weekly "Extra" Points Allowance - 35

Monday - Used 23 of the 24
Tuesday - Used 27 daily and 11 of my "Extra" points (had some red wine) Earned 3 Exercise Points
Wednesday - So far only 10 points and 17 left to use (which I won't) and planning a bike ride tonight with Frank...so far so good!

I'm going to call Momma and check in on her tonight. I hope the Internet part hasn't stopped her. If so we're having a tutorial because she IS doing this with me. I'll let you know how it goes and please let me know if you want to join the Lifetime Cook Yourself Thin Club so I can coordinate recipes and thoughts on the experience! Even if you can't take the time to do the meal but want to receive the recipe, thoughts and possible improvements (my family knows I can always make it even better) then let me know and I'll add you to my distribution list!

Aptos Ups and Downs (quite literally!)

Well everyone...I should start off by saying that I had a truly wonderful weekend with Andrea and her girls in Aptos celebrating the Bachelorette party. Everyone was great and we had such a good time laughing, joking, riding rides and of course...eating and drinking. I think its safe to say my diet (and any last few weeks progress) was destroyed. But, I recently spent a good hour or two with Jen on the phone about weight struggles (thanks Jen...I needed it) and I'm going to take her advice and just keep plugging on. And after one TINY incident this weekend I now feel I've got no other choice.

We went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk all day on Saturday. It was a lot of fun because as you all know I'm just a little kid in a big girls body and there is nothing I love more than scaring the hell out of myself on roller coasters and crazy rides! There has never been a ride that could intimidate me and I pride myself on riding EVERYTHING at the park. Halfway into the day every ride had been a blast...hence the ups (especially on the roller coaster...FUN)...and then at the Fire Ball I encountered my down. This particular ride requires you to jump up into your seat, clearing the bump that goes between your legs and once up pulling a U shaped guard down over your head and shoulders until it snaps into place for safety. The ride girl went around testing everyone to be sure they were safely locked in and came to me last. She pushed and pushed (and nearly crushed my chest) and try as she might she could not get it to lock into place. I was simply too fat to ride the ride.

I was completely mortified and could see the very sweet and terrified look on her face letting me know she was going to have to ask me to leave the ride but she didn't know how to tell me. I told her I understood without her having to say anything and said I'd get off. In order to get me out of the seat she had to walk back and reset the whole ride causing everyone's harnesses to re-load and come up. Of course every kid on the ride was griping and yelling because they didn't know why. Then I had to jump my fat ass down off the seat onto the platform and walk away in front of everyone. I can honestly say I've never been more humiliated in my entire life. And I've done PLENTY to humiliate myself over the years. I made it about 50 feet before I burst into tears.

Now for anyone who has ever been on a girls Bachelorette party weekend you know that the cardinal rule of friendship is to do absolutely NOTHING to upset the bride-to-be or cause an uncomfortable moment. It took about a minute or two to quell my sobbing and eventually I was able to stop crying, put on my sunglasses and pull my act together. I watched as Andrea gleefully rode the ride and it was a true joy. She was having a blast...and as it should be. She was happy and beautiful and I love her dearly.

So that being said I guess you can say I've got an entirely new motivation for losing weight and getting healthier. I simply cannot be that person. I can't. If I had to go through life sitting on the sidelines and holding everyone's stuff because I'm too fat to participate in life than I just might as well give up because that's not me. Some people are content to stand back and watch the fun happen but I'd rather be dead than be that dull. So I guess there really isn't another option than to keep trying to lose the weight and just not give up. My talk with Jen this weekend had gone far to help me because weight loss can become easily self centered. It makes you sad, and depressed and feeling very lonely...like you are the only one even when you definitely aren't. She made me remember my sadness affects others too. Those that love me and want to see me better and she knows as well as I do how hard it really is. I guess that's reason #157 to lose weight...not that I should have needed YET another but there it is.

Fire Ball...we will meet again.

The Adventures of Friday Night Frank, Cock Pucker and Sugarpants!

So, went home this weekend with Frankie and Tom and we decided to stop off at the much anticipated "Klondike" in Lakehead for a nite cap. I've said for years I would stop in there at least once for a drink to check it out and we finally did. Its a totally cute and quaint place with lots of old dark wood, dollar bills hanging everywhere with patrons autographs, and a laid back bartender named Don. We had been laughing earlier about my husbands new nickname...Friday Night Frank...given to him by the girls at Atlas Disposal on a rowdy Friday night out a few weeks back. Drinks ordered we were sitting up at the bar when Friday Night Frank got a whif of something and turned to Tom and said "Dude...did you shit your pants?" Tom mistakenly heard his whispers and interpreted it as "Did you just call me Sugarpants?!?!". Of course we were all laughing hysterically (Don included who was listening in with curious intent) and automatically christened Tommy as Sugarpants from now on. Looking around I noticed a sign with the "house" specialty drink. Its a shot made from Hot Cock Bourbon, Apple Pucker, cranberry juice, etc called a "Cock Pucker" and sounded too good to pass up. Since I wasn't driving I ordered one but couldn't bring myself to say "Cock Pucker" to a total stranger. I pointed to the sign and said gimme one of those. This of course, immediately caused Sugarpants and Friday Night Frank to jump in trying everything they could to get me to say the word. I did not but earned the graceful moniker of "Cock Pucker" from here on out. They tried all weekend to get me to say that in front of my mother but I would not...I just can't. There are certain words I will never say in front of madre and that's one of them!

Not much to report on the weight thing this weekend but I was pretty good keeping my portion sizes way down and not overindulging in Momma's good cooking. Though I didn't lose anything this weekend I also didn't ruin any progress by gaining back weight so yeah for me!

Alright folks...Cock Pucker signing out. Rock it!

Long Time No Post

It's been a while since I've posted because my funk had not yet lifted and I'd just be a downer. I'm going home today to see my family and its going a long way in terms of lifting my mood. I'm always so much happier when I'm heading up the hill. As soon as I hit Mountain Gate and start that descent up out of the god forsaken Valley and into the hills I'm a whole new and happier person. Conversely everytime I head back to Sac I'm immediately saddened as soon as we hit Redding. But for now I've got the next three days to spend with my family that I love and miss so much and of course enjoy some of my Momma's great cooking!

Mom's got a way of cooking healthy that still tastes SO good...like you we're splurging and eating something totally bad for you but you aren't. For those who don't know...my mother is an excellent cook and really LOVES healthy food. She always has and really eats healthier than anyone I know. It's kind of frustrating actually because she's struggled with her weight for so long and she doesn't deserve that. She's very active, constantly on the run and isn't the least bit sedentary yet she has trouble losing weight. I wonder sometimes if I've inherited some of that but I'm still at an age where the weight can come off so I have no excuse. I know its harder and harder the older you get so its a good thing that I'm really making a conscious effort to start now. My most notable change has been in my portion sizes. I've cut them back quite a bit and it doesn't even bother me now. I was pretty peckish at first and kept wanting to snack but I'm over it now. A lot of times I'm not even hungry when its time to eat. That's a really positive step for me because GIRL CAN EAT!

That's not something to brag about anymore and kind of reminds me of a line from Gone With the Wind. Mammy is trying to get Scarlett to eat before the BBQ and she tells her "I is told ya and told ya that you can always tell a lady by the way she eats in front of folks like a bird and I ain't aimin' for you to go to Mr. John Wilkes and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog!" Smart lady Mammy was...and a hell of an actress. And I guess if I don't want to continue to look like her I'd better keep up her advice. Time to go to Weed and pop in GWTW with my mom and sis...then take a long walk afterwards. I always love walking around Shastina with Mom. We have some of the best talks then. I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll try to post more next week. Much love and happiness...signed, Eatin' Like a Bird!

Diet Blues

I'm not really sure why but I've been in a funk a lot lately. All day Sunday it was all I could do to keep from curling up into a ball and crying. Today isn't much better. To top it off I think the diet blues are making it worse because I can't seem to shake a craving for McDonald's french fries and a chocolate shake. Both will pass...they always do, but right now its a very heavy feeling and I can't help but think cheating on my diet would give me a little lift. Which means that I have an unhealthy relationship with food because I use it to solve problems and give myself a boost. No news there really. I've always responded to emotions by controlling food. When I was skinny and angry I controlled it by what I didn't eat. Now that I'm fat and feeling sad I'm trying to use it to make myself feel better.

Sometimes I wonder how women handled these types of issues before everyone was forced to become so damn self aware? And how come BEING self aware doesn't change anything? We know what is wrong with us. We acknowledge our short comings and problems...and yet we're still immersed in the emotional cavern they create. Maybe it was easier when we didn't know WHY we do the things we did...we just DID them. And then took a valium with two fingers of Jack Daniels before falling comatose into bed. Oh yeah...that's why we don't do that anymore.

Holy crap...I'm a mindless eater!

I realized something about myself today...I'm a mindless eater. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it. If I am engaged in something and food is adjacent I will eat without even realizing it. Disturbing. I'm the queen of internet researching diet tricks and I know that its a major no no to eat in front of the TV or while doing another activity because your brain disconnects from the eating experience and you will consume more than you need to. Knowing this...why is it I still found myself doing it today? I'm armed with TONS of diet tricks and tips and just know better.

I'm not feeling well and have had a wicked cough since Christmas that I can't shake so I worked through lunch today hoping to get off early. I had only a salad in front of me which was good but I was working too. Instead of stopping and focusing on the salad I mindlessly plowed through it too quickly (another no no) and didn't even realize I was done! When this occured to me I instantly felt sick and angry at myself for not using better sense. Now I just feel blah and unhappy with myself. I think I'll hit the SPCA on the way home and socialize the cats. The animals never fail to make me feel better. God bless their sweet litttle souls.

Update!

Well, I am very, very grateful to report that we found the guy who hit Sammie and that he DOES in fact have insurance so that's ONE stress relieved. I really just need to relax a bit and get out of Roseville for the weekend but that's not going to happen for at least a few weeks. The kids both have a dance and parties afterwards Sat night so you KNOW there will be NO fun for the parents until they are safe at home. Next weekend is Adele's bday dinner with the girls and I am totally looking forward to that. We're going to that organic bistro on Eureka and I'm excited about that. So that leaves the weekend of Valentines Day. I know most people can't understand this but I think I'll block that weekend out and take Frank camping down at Verona. We can have a very romantic time down there on the river and I plan to do it up with a nice dinner, candles...the works. We really, really need it. I can just SMELL the stress on him lately and I feel the same way.

I read somewhere that stress makes it harder to lose weight. I think this must be true because I've been pretty darn good and even though I'm down a size (YIPPEE FOR ME!!!!) I can almost sense the weight "holding on" like a dog with a bone. I'm determined though. I have a dress I want to wear to my Grandma's bday and I HAVE to get into it by June. Its not super sexy or anything. Just a goal and its the cutest hippie chic dress from the Berryvale Health Food Market in Mt. Shasta. Stress be gone PLEASE...I need to get into that adorable frock. Sigh.