Join the land of the Big WW!

Well everyone...Momma and I had a nice weekend together recently. We went on a gorgeous tour of the Maple Rock Gardens in Newcastle (which I will highly recommend to anyone next time these people open their doors to the public) and we had a "ladies lunch" at the Auburn Alehouse along with several other hat wearing ladies (we were unadorned). It was a wonderful lunch, great atmosphere and of course the perfect company. Over a plate of Sweet Potato Fries with Red Pepper Aioli (you heard me right....OMG they were good!) we lamented over our lack of weight loss. Shocking I know since that appetizer had to have about a bazillion fat grams and calories but nonetheless...there we were and yes we did laugh at the irony. Mom's main complaint was feeling alone in the dieting world and mine was simply not being properly motivated. Both we realize, are pure excuses and mean nothing in the world of dieting. Its put up or shut up and we've been doing the latter after filling it with food first.

In my mothers defense she is quite an active woman and I honestly don't know anyone who could match her energy for work stamina. The woman NEVER sits down and she's constantly going. I will not defend myself here. She looked at me and said "what do we do". I told her I'd do it if she would and we would work on it together (the way Jen has supported me lately). She agreed and we settled on what I think is the best helper...the good old fashioned Weight Watchers. No crazy fads or anything...just good old fashioned sensible eating and exercise that we could document online. We both thought meetings weren't for us right now so we'll just track online. I also told her about a new show on Lifetime starting Monday nights at 5:00 called COOK YOURSELF THIN!!! We are both going to watch it every Monday night...make the dish that week and report back what we find by Thursday so I can write it up on the blog. Anyone want to join my little cooking club let me know!?!?!

I started promptly the next Monday and so far I am LIKING this Weight Watchers thing. Something about having to put everything in the system and having it calculate it out for me speaks to my Internet obsessed personality. Seeing it on screen and knowing what I have left points wise for the day motivates me and I plan better. Plus you can't cheat and NOT put something down that you ate because who are you fooling...yourself? Come on! I like that I can just pop things in and create the meals that I use to make it more simple in the long run. I've basically eaten what I've cooked for the family each night...just added a few fruits and veggies in place of snacks and reduced my portion sizes to almost HALF. I no longer grab a plate to fill up. Just a small cereal bowl is about the size of my stomach and that's all I need to sustain my hunger. I'm working on not having to feel FULL...just satisfied and no longer hungry. That's a 3 week commitment to retrain my tummy and my brain. Here are my results so far...

Daily Points Allowance - 27
Weekly "Extra" Points Allowance - 35

Monday - Used 23 of the 24
Tuesday - Used 27 daily and 11 of my "Extra" points (had some red wine) Earned 3 Exercise Points
Wednesday - So far only 10 points and 17 left to use (which I won't) and planning a bike ride tonight with Frank...so far so good!

I'm going to call Momma and check in on her tonight. I hope the Internet part hasn't stopped her. If so we're having a tutorial because she IS doing this with me. I'll let you know how it goes and please let me know if you want to join the Lifetime Cook Yourself Thin Club so I can coordinate recipes and thoughts on the experience! Even if you can't take the time to do the meal but want to receive the recipe, thoughts and possible improvements (my family knows I can always make it even better) then let me know and I'll add you to my distribution list!

Aptos Ups and Downs (quite literally!)

Well everyone...I should start off by saying that I had a truly wonderful weekend with Andrea and her girls in Aptos celebrating the Bachelorette party. Everyone was great and we had such a good time laughing, joking, riding rides and of course...eating and drinking. I think its safe to say my diet (and any last few weeks progress) was destroyed. But, I recently spent a good hour or two with Jen on the phone about weight struggles (thanks Jen...I needed it) and I'm going to take her advice and just keep plugging on. And after one TINY incident this weekend I now feel I've got no other choice.

We went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk all day on Saturday. It was a lot of fun because as you all know I'm just a little kid in a big girls body and there is nothing I love more than scaring the hell out of myself on roller coasters and crazy rides! There has never been a ride that could intimidate me and I pride myself on riding EVERYTHING at the park. Halfway into the day every ride had been a blast...hence the ups (especially on the roller coaster...FUN)...and then at the Fire Ball I encountered my down. This particular ride requires you to jump up into your seat, clearing the bump that goes between your legs and once up pulling a U shaped guard down over your head and shoulders until it snaps into place for safety. The ride girl went around testing everyone to be sure they were safely locked in and came to me last. She pushed and pushed (and nearly crushed my chest) and try as she might she could not get it to lock into place. I was simply too fat to ride the ride.

I was completely mortified and could see the very sweet and terrified look on her face letting me know she was going to have to ask me to leave the ride but she didn't know how to tell me. I told her I understood without her having to say anything and said I'd get off. In order to get me out of the seat she had to walk back and reset the whole ride causing everyone's harnesses to re-load and come up. Of course every kid on the ride was griping and yelling because they didn't know why. Then I had to jump my fat ass down off the seat onto the platform and walk away in front of everyone. I can honestly say I've never been more humiliated in my entire life. And I've done PLENTY to humiliate myself over the years. I made it about 50 feet before I burst into tears.

Now for anyone who has ever been on a girls Bachelorette party weekend you know that the cardinal rule of friendship is to do absolutely NOTHING to upset the bride-to-be or cause an uncomfortable moment. It took about a minute or two to quell my sobbing and eventually I was able to stop crying, put on my sunglasses and pull my act together. I watched as Andrea gleefully rode the ride and it was a true joy. She was having a blast...and as it should be. She was happy and beautiful and I love her dearly.

So that being said I guess you can say I've got an entirely new motivation for losing weight and getting healthier. I simply cannot be that person. I can't. If I had to go through life sitting on the sidelines and holding everyone's stuff because I'm too fat to participate in life than I just might as well give up because that's not me. Some people are content to stand back and watch the fun happen but I'd rather be dead than be that dull. So I guess there really isn't another option than to keep trying to lose the weight and just not give up. My talk with Jen this weekend had gone far to help me because weight loss can become easily self centered. It makes you sad, and depressed and feeling very lonely...like you are the only one even when you definitely aren't. She made me remember my sadness affects others too. Those that love me and want to see me better and she knows as well as I do how hard it really is. I guess that's reason #157 to lose weight...not that I should have needed YET another but there it is.

Fire Ball...we will meet again.