I'm not really sure why but I've been in a funk a lot lately. All day Sunday it was all I could do to keep from curling up into a ball and crying. Today isn't much better. To top it off I think the diet blues are making it worse because I can't seem to shake a craving for McDonald's french fries and a chocolate shake. Both will pass...they always do, but right now its a very heavy feeling and I can't help but think cheating on my diet would give me a little lift. Which means that I have an unhealthy relationship with food because I use it to solve problems and give myself a boost. No news there really. I've always responded to emotions by controlling food. When I was skinny and angry I controlled it by what I didn't eat. Now that I'm fat and feeling sad I'm trying to use it to make myself feel better.
Sometimes I wonder how women handled these types of issues before everyone was forced to become so damn self aware? And how come BEING self aware doesn't change anything? We know what is wrong with us. We acknowledge our short comings and problems...and yet we're still immersed in the emotional cavern they create. Maybe it was easier when we didn't know WHY we do the things we did...we just DID them. And then took a valium with two fingers of Jack Daniels before falling comatose into bed. Oh yeah...that's why we don't do that anymore.
Monday, February 9, 2009
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